Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
