guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
