I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
