That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
