When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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