the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
