I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
