Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
