I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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