You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
