Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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