alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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