rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
