I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
