i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
