sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
