my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
