I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
