happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
