I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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