You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
