i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
did you just send me my own nude
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
