Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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