he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
