i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
