So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize