One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize