I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
