It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
