My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize