She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
