So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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