Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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