i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
