Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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