Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
