We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Enjoy the penises
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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