I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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