Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
