Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
