Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize