The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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