They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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