she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who died my cat blue again?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
