hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
