I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
