At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
