Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
