I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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