i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
