dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
