So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
40s are totally the cure
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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