This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
