I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize