Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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