she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
