she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
