ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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