My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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