Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
