Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
