Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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